It started the week after spring break and has continued all the way until tonight as I sit here in bed the first night I am back in good 'ole Jersey. The unexplainable dreams, the midnight sweats, the fear of failure. The changing times, important decisions and unclear future. The realization that these four years of irreplaceable growth and happiness have come to an end and that from now on, I would be on my own; never again to live in the same place with all my best friends by my side. Never again to be guided and supported face-to-face by the most important people of my college career. I may be coming off as a little extreme but we have all been experiencing the same fears for the most part I think.
Just watching everyone at school these past couple of weeks, I realize how much tighter we hugged each other and how much more intently we connected. How we all have become a little more motivated to go out or just hang out. How all our different groups have merged and new friendships bounded.
We planned events for each day and goals to accomplish before graduation. We made poster boards counting down to special dates and planned dinners for all of us to gather. We took picture after picture, well maybe I am the biggest sucker of that, just in case we couldn't ever capture the moments like that again. We talked about how frightening, exhilarating, and challenging the next months will be. And yet, I find this satisfying; the idea that I have gained such true friends that I didn’t ever want to leave or say goodbye.
As I look back on all that has happened in these past few years- the growing up, the growing together, the growing apart and the growing side by side- the tragedies of romance, heartache and drunken mishaps, I realized how great it has all been and don’t know where I would be without you. I truly am blessed with the opportunity you have given me to gain your friendships.
When I look at all of you, I see myself. I see our shared excitement, anticipation, hopefulness; I see how much our faces have changed along with our experiences and attitudes towards life. But we have all changed together, not alone. We have grown so much since we arrived here 4 short years ago. It takes a lot of time, a lot of understanding, a lot of hope and a lot of love to maintain a friendship. But I don’t have any doubt about any of ours. I don’t fear the uncertainty of the future because I know my most precious assets, you girls, will always remain with me, despite distance and time and will remain the most important people to me for the rest of my life and I thank you for that.
I love you all so much and okay. Back to posting normal gossipy things from now on I promise! I hope you are all enjoying home.
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